Refresh My Broken Mind
by klainelovesredvines
Summary: Sometimes it feels like no-one understands... but Santana's lucky enough to have one person who does. Oneshot, slight Klaine/Brittana, Kurtana friendship. Please review!


I'd never been to the Hummel-Hudson house before. I didn't even know the address, and only ended up there by scoring a ride with Puckerman when Cheerio's practice had ended. After nearly two hours of hopelessly glancing at Brittany effortlessly dancing around the gym I was feeling frustrated and flustered, trying to distract myself by talking my head into how hot Puck was.

But now even flirting with him felt wrong; batting my eyelids, swinging my hips, reapplying my lip-gloss in super-slow motion. Yes he was drooling slightly, but for the first time in my life, knowing he was staring at my ass only made me feel even more uncomfortable.

I was under the spell of Brittany. S. Pierce.

This realization did nothing for my mood, and I was suddenly more anxious to get home, absent mindedly drumming my fingers on the dashboard. I ignored his incredulous looks and flirty innuendos, and he soon gave up after seeing the burning look in my eyes was growing. The rest of the ride was spent in an awkward silence; spare the sound of music blaring from his speakers.

I perked up just slightly as my eyes came across a shiny black navigator and a bashed-up Nissan truck. This was the Hummel-Hudson house, I'd bet my hair extensions. I was proven to be correct as the car grinded to a halt and Puck helped me out. All I could think about was how stiff we both were, not relaxed as we used to be- whatever chemistry we had had vanished.

We walked in to be greeted by Finn, who only noticed me after I was practically up against him, giving him my iciest look.

"Kurt's in his room," Finn finally spluttered, tripping over three chairs, not taking his eyes away from my body. I winced at this, and parted ways with him a little too eagerly.

I climbed the stairs, and stood in from of the mirror in their hallway for a few seconds, there I was. Santana Lopez, bitch. Feeling slightly more confident I smiled and, not bothering to knock, slid into the room I presumed belonged to Kurt, if the Lady GaGa poster on the door was anything to go by.

Kurt was sitting cross legged on his bed frowning over a textbook of some sorts. I walked over to him as if I owned the place, smiled devilishly and tapped him on the shoulder.

He jumped nearly a foot and let out a small scream before recognising me and visibly relaxing and laughing with me.

"Adorable," I purred, tilting my head. "But listen here, lady lips. I am here for a reason."

He nodded slightly, confused, indicating for me to go ahead.

"I know I'm a bitch and I act like I couldn't give a crap." I confessed, sitting down, and breathing in deeply. This was it. "But I do have feelings. Feelings I'm unsure of, feelings that confuse me. I was hoping you'd understand, because it'd the kind of thing you can relate to and I need some help… some support." It was a whisper by the end, my voice cracking on the last word. Trying to sound a little more like myself, I added, "I don't know if some pretty pink gay unicorn flew in from rainbow land and told you this already, but-" There's a brief silence for a second while I stifle a sob. "I'm into girls- into Brittany- in the way that I used to feel about guys." And that was it. I'd come out.

Santana Lopez, lesbian.

And then my body began to abruptly and inexplicably shake. Tears rolled down my cheeks for what feels like the millionth time that week.

I felt Kurt's hands engulfing me in a hug, and I accepted the embrace. For a while we just sat like that, empathizing with one another.

I felt the sensation I feel when I'm cutting again, that connection with the world, except this time I shared it with Kurt, the relationship we now had, the bond we shared.

My body was stiff and sore, my head pounded and eyes stung with tears, but I sat up gingerly and slowly. I opened my mouth. "Kurt? Thank you, just- just for being here, and all that crap. I know you never had that," I smiled faintly at him, and he returned the smile, even though I could see his eyes were glistening. "But you tell anyone about this little girl to gay, I will ends you," I added, my voice lacking its usual sassiness. Kurt nodded, looking both amused and sympathetic.

"Don't worry," he murmured comfortingly in my hair. He slowly looked me straight in the eyes, his expression serious. "It's not going to be easy," He warned me sadly, taking my hand. "Trust me,it's a lot of things, but easy isn't one of them. The world is mean like that."

I was expecting some form of reassurance, not a reminder of the hell I was going through, but I knew he was right. Seeing the hurt look in my eyes, he carried on. "But whatever happens, I'm here for you. Blaine's here for you- trust me, Santana, out of anyone, we understand it, okay? And don't forget the Glee Club- everyone's gone through something at some point- love triangles, teen pregnancies, bulllying-" he winced slightly, but continued. "But when it came down to it, we were always there for each other- we still are. And don't think that this decision is going to change what at least the New Directions will think of you. I think you're stuck with us forever," Kurt ended, smiling slightly.

He let out a small squeak as I engulfed him in another hug, whispering repeated thank-you's in his ear, not letting him go. I held him tight, only letting go when I felt my own arms numb slightly. I stepped back, blushing slightly, something highly unusual for me. "Kurtana?" I asked pathetically, holding out my little finger.

Kurt laughed, and nodded, clasping my pinky. "Kurtana." He confirmed, winking at me. "You're not alone anymore, Santana," he said simply.

* * *

><p><em>It's empty in the valley of your heart<br>The sun, it rises slowly as you walk  
>Away from all the fears<br>And all the faults you've left behind_

_The harvest left no food for you to eat_  
><em>You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see<em>  
><em>But I have seen the same<em>  
><em>I know the shame in your defeat<em>

_But I will hold on hope_  
><em>And I won't let you choke<em>  
><em>On the noose around your neck<em>

_And I'll find strength in pain_  
><em>And I will change my ways<em>  
><em>I'll know my name as it's called again<em>

_Cause I have other things to fill my time_  
><em>You take what is yours and I'll take mine<em>  
><em>Now let me at the truth<em>  
><em>Which will refresh my broken mind<em>

_So tie me to a post and block my ears_  
><em>I can see widows and orphans through my tears<em>  
><em>I know my call despite my faults<em>  
><em>And despite my growing fears<em>

_But I will hold on hope_  
><em>And I won't let you choke<em>  
><em>On the noose around your neck<em>

_And I'll find strength in pain_  
><em>And I will change my ways<em>  
><em>I'll know my name as it's called again<em>

_So come out of your cave walking on your hands_  
><em>And see the world hanging upside down<em>  
><em>You can understand dependence<em>  
><em>When you know the maker's land<em>

_So make your siren's call_  
><em>And sing all you want<em>  
><em>I will not hear what you have to say<em>

_Cause I need freedom now_  
><em>And I need to know how<em>  
><em>To live my life as it's meant to be<em>

_And I will hold on hope_  
><em>And I won't let you choke<em>  
><em>On the noose around your neck<em>

_And I'll find strength in pain_  
><em>And I will change my ways<em>  
><em>I'll know my name as it's called again<em>


End file.
